Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
