He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize