Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
