First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
