I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
