Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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