she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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