Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
