I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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