I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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