I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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