last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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