He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
