I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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