I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
