please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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