barbara walters just said penis...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
