she woke up with a sticky ear
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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