so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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