I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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