oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
