Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
