Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
