Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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