why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MIDGETS
????
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
