just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
