you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
