We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
