Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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