I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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