My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
