where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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