I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The air was thick with penises
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
