thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
