I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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