My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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