I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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