no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
