The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
