I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it hurts more in the daytime
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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