Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
