so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
