I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
