This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
