i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
