Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
