She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
