meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
