i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
