I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
