Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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