Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
