No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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