i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
