Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
