Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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